SHE SPARKLED THAT DIWALI

When the colorful twinkling lights came into view through her bus window she felt nostalgic. She almost jumped on her seat at the very thought of bursting crackers with her best buddies, Minty and Raju, in a few hours. Others in the bus were busy talking about the inter school drawing competition, from which they were returning, but she was occupied with her plans. It was Diwali, a time to enjoy and have fun. Even the white envelope in her bag containing a scholarship, her reward of winning the competition, made no sense to her.

When the bus stopped, she alone stepped down. They call it slum and she called it her world. Through the narrow lane lit by earthen lamps she ran towards her home. A string of yellow lights was hanging from the roof of her house and she frowned at it.  She wanted it to be blue this year. The two earthen lamps at the door flickered as she rushed inside. With an ecstatic shout ‘Diwaliiiii’ she inform her Mom, Dad and little Sister that she’s home. However she got utterly disappointed on finding out that they all were excited only to know about the competition. With a very brief reply that conveyed nothing significant about it, she went ahead to get ready for the festivity. They must be waiting for me with crackers, she thought.

Her utopia came down crashing when her Mom told her that a family has come down to see Minty for marriage. Her heart sank further as she thought about Raju. She knew that he mostly remains busy these days in his father’s garage and she hated his father for making him work so hard. Her disappointment doubled when she reached his home only to find out that he will return late from the garage. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she began walking towards her home. On the way, she saw people making preparations to hit the roads with fireworks.

A myriad of thoughts clouded her mind. Not only her Diwali got spoilt but her upcoming days are now going to be lonely too. If Minty gets married, with whom she would play after the school, who would be her partner in crime and who would listen to her stories, fancies and woes. She started crying and wondered that with Raju being busy all the time, to whom she would flee when her mom would make her do household chores and what if her dad marries her off soon just like Minty. Her life suddenly felt empty and dreadful.

She saw a gathering just before her house. Diwali celebration was on but she carefully made her way to her home without anybody noticing her. Her eyes were swollen, with tears still lingering in them, and she slowly began unpacking her small bag that she had taken to the tour. She saw the white envelope and recalled the moment when she had climbed up the stage and everyone clapped. Her drawing was displayed on a big screen but they didn't allow her to bring it back home. She loathed their cruelty as she thought that her Dad must have seen it. 

Soon everyone became busy with crackers and in the absence of Minty and Raju, nobody came searching for her. She fiddled through her art book and counted five ‘good’ and two ‘excellent’ remarks. She smiled and felt a little proud. Having nobody to go to, she poured herself into her art book. The pencil obeyed her commands and traced countless lines and curves. The castle that won her the competition came into view again, but this time it summoned her to celebrate the festival of lights. She illuminated it and had a cheerful celebration throughout the night. Two days later when the school principal exhibited her sketch in the assembly, she wondered whether her Diwali was really spoilt?

When her two best buddies were about to leave her alone, another friend arrived in her world. Passion was its name. When the canvas around her changed, she submitted herself to her new friend in a hope that it will neither get married nor will disappear behind the busyness, until she wishes. Reflecting on this a few years later, she found herself sitting in the fine arts class, smiling to herself. But she was clueless about when she befriended her another friend, dream. Last Diwali, she guessed.     

Dedicated to my dearest friend Tania Roy who instilled the concept of passion and dream in me. 

  

THAT LIVID NIGHT

Soaked in the hammering rain, she was running towards her home that livid night. Her hazed eyes and dizzy mind was apprehensive about what awaited for her at home. A nightmare she called it, and consoled herself every morning to wipe off the vicious memories of preceding nights. Her cell phone rang and she panicked. It was him. She was late and she feared that her explanation won’t appease his rage.  

The rain was blurring her vision but she still paced with all her might. The scars on her hands and legs hurt. They reminded her of the nights she refused to give in and the searing pain she felt as he jabbed his Swiss knife through her white skin. His lust tore apart her body and soul every night.

As she waited at a crossing for the signal to turn green, she pondered over the parallelism of her life with her mom’s. She recalled her distraught childhood when she used to spend sleepless nights sobbing and hearing her mom’s screams. In the mornings her mom wore a bright smile for her, which could never defy her bruises and swollen eyes. She had always wanted to stab her father to death but his enraged persona threatened her steps.

   

Somewhere near, a strong thunder struck and she momentarily got deafened by its roar. She headed towards the lane at the end of which stood her home, but her pace receded. In the morning he had told her about a vacation with his sweetheart. She had worked the whole day in her office with a stabbing pain and flashing memories of her father flaunting his mistress in the family parties and her mom standing embarrassed at a corner guarding the little girl holding her hand.

She was her mom’s weakness while her weakness was the profound love she had for her husband. For one long year of her marriage she had loved him dearly only to be agonized every day. But that night was asking her to stop. Amid the thunders, it yelled that her life should no more collide with her mom's. And with the last few steps she mustered the courage to free herself from her agonies.

She pressed the doorbell and as the door opened she shuddered with fear at the sight of her husband. But this time she was resolute about shrugging off this fearful life forever. She tightened the grip on the broken glass bottle she had picked up on the way and entered the home.

The next day she was found sitting on the drawing room floor staring transfixed at the dead body of her husband which lay over a pool of blood. She offered silence to all the questions posed by the police officials. Blood was dribbling from the fresh scars on her hands and legs, one of which she was still scratching with a Swiss knife. Her husband’s office bag revealed two significant documents. One of them declared a planned vacation which they were about to spend together at Paris in a few days. Another one was her medical report which confirmed her full blown dissociative identity disorder.

    

STRANGERS

The intoxicating mountain breeze was threatening to unlock the hearts that evening and I was an intent observer of the two contrary souls walking beside me. My wife’s fervency was complementing the composure of our new companion whom we met on our stroll when her car crashed with a lofty tree distracting us from reviving our best memories of a year’s marriage. We decided to accompany the injured lady to her hotel, adjacent to ours.

Her restlessness bared out quite a few times and I surmised it to be the accident trauma. From her knotty set of words I deduced that either she was on a vacation like us or was on a run.

My wife’s pleasantries are often hard to ignore and I saw her gradually stepping into her amicability. With time, her fragility found comfort and her composure melted off, revealing her world. Their mirrored desires amused them, for both were cherishing standing atop the world, but one with her love beside her and the other longing for the same. She laughed, shared anecdotes and her verve reverberated through every entity around me. They both looked like teenage friends having a merry time. I chose to be a silent spectator, engrossed in the vivacity before me.

We halted with her several times when her trembling legs defied her walk. She was in pain. When I offered to help her through a tricky mountain trail while she was slipping down, she scanned me avidly before holding my hand as if she noticed my presence for the first time in the last one hour. At times her weirdness gravely reminded me of someone, but I chose to prevent the stranger from invading my memory lane.

  

When the lit hotel buildings came into view, an uncanny sinking feeling arrested me. Our journey ended on her destination and a part of me despised my slightest penchant for the stranger. She stood face to face with my wife and thanked her earnestly. She then turned to me and said ‘thank you for not letting me down’. I probably noticed a heartrending smile and a hint of tears in her eyes. As I saw her leaving, my wife told me that beneath this vivacious soul somewhere hides innocence, once deceived, and smiles veiling a throbbing pain.  A lump grew in my throat. However, deep inside contentment deluged me. I did not let her down. I kept my promise to meet as strangers if any crossroad of life imposed confrontations on us. Her touch lingered on my hands….perhaps on my soul too.   

    

THE DREAMER

In the relentless and torrential downpour, the two souls stood under a broken wooden shade which was shakily supported by four decaying logs. Prying on them were the thick greens which veiled them from the world. His constant gaze piercing through the smoke of his cigarette did not affect her indifference; instead her resigned persona challenged all the treacheries of the earth.

She had been a prisoner of life and its adversity. The relics of her failed relationship and the lifeless furniture of her house were the constant reminder of her loneliness which was devouring her brutally every day. Each dawn took away a slice of her vigor. On a voyage of losing herself, she no more feared the calamitous earth that day as she had nothing more left to be robbed.

She became aware of the spine chilling wet breeze around her when he offered her a cigarette standing at a foot’s distance with an outstretched hand holding a pack. Grabbing one she retreated to a heap of hay and amid the torrential rain watched the smoke puffs escaping her pale pink lips. Thereafter, a little time elapsed in their introduction which revealed that she lost her way while tracing the path to the jeep and her friends after a casual stroll around; while his purpose of a photographic project brought him there.

The rainwater was brimming up and was about to reach the rocky platform where they had taken refuge. Noticing her lack of enthusiasm to talk, he soon engaged himself in capturing the forest rain with his professional camera.

“What makes you this delightful in life? You may be stuck here for hours till the rain, hunger or some wild beasts suck the life out of you” she called out.

A little taken aback he examined her for a moment and then responded “I would be delightful that my life ended while I was cherishing it instead of making depressing remarks” With a mischievous smile he added “Well instead of warning me you must be worrying about your life. I may be a rapist or a dangerous criminal on a breakout.”

“A rapist with a DSLR camera?” she raised an eyebrow.

“You never know. I may use it for making your MMS” he winked.

A genuine laugh escaped her and marked the beginning of an amicable conversation between them. In a quick succession of words the stranger unshackled her heart. Her desires, sorrows and longings found expression and he became her confiding friend. She confessed how the excruciating pain of being ditched in a relationship still stabbed her everyday and how the words of masked acquaintances around suffocated her. She expressed her deepest desires to explore the world and how the loneliness fed on her making her weak. She admitted how difficult it became for her to move on after her dreams came down thrashing on the floor leaving behind a scar as a constant reminder to her failure. She narrated how much monotonous her posh life was and how she wished to flee. Throughout, he was just a calm and understanding listener to whom she poured her heart out.

It was only when she finished they both realized that the rain had finally stopped and the most enchanting hue that existed on earth that moment was green that encased them in its riveting innocence. The raindrops lay pearled on the leaves, some dropping off them. Twittering birds and some scattered silver clouds completed the sketch of a paradise. When they both set off together to find their way back to the world, she wished to stay behind for a few more hours or perhaps days.

On the way back she discovered his profound love for photography. Throughout the way he was engrossed in clicking pictures and explaining her random things about it. Sometimes she was amused by his gestures while at others she envied him for being so pleased with life. When she saw the earth through his frames it looked resplendent.

“What do you love the most to capture?” She asked.

“Ummm...mountain peaks, snow capped, against the gliding silver clouds. Sometimes veiled by mist and sometimes towering high overlooking every creation of the earth” he replied imaginatively.

“How far do you wish to go with photography in life?” she questioned him.

“Surely to the zenith where I’ll have a famed studio, perhaps a training center too and….let’s see” he concluded with a smile.

“And what if someday you lose your way to reach your dream…like forever?” she inquired.

“Life has numerous ways ma'm….and if you are planning to block them all for me in your next question then I’ll find another dream for life. While you desire to explore world…I desire to explore life” he said with a triumphant smile. 

She expressed her wish to be clicked by the "world’s-would-be-greatest-photographer", as she had tagged him, and handed him a card with her the address for mailing the same. A few more hours of walk, laughter and sharing anecdotes of life brought them to the highway which, although earlier threatened her to engulf in a saddening monotony, unfolded a mystic contentment. Before parting ways and bidding adieu the two strangers only wished each other good luck.

Her anxiety ended within a fortnight when finally after returning home she received an envelope which she instantaneously guessed contained her picture clicked by the "world’s-would-be-greatest-photographer". Her smile widened when her guess turned out to be appropriate and her own snap transported her to the magical day which had strangely unburdened her heart, in ways inexplicable to her. The envelope also enclosed a note within which read:

‘That day when you reached the edge of life to fearlessly embrace your destiny, whatsoever it be, life catered a new spirit to you which sparkled through your eyes just as I have captured in this picture. When you lose a dream life serves you many more to pick up and cherish so much that the world around you blurs. Let go of the scars, pains and words of the masked acquaintances and pick up a new dream to live.  A few years back I was a professional trekker, in love with snow capped mountains. But I lost that dream to a bike accident after which one of my legs had to be amputated. It became impossible for me to climb up with a wooden leg so I picked up a new dream, photography, and loved it ardently and honestly. I rented camera for projects that paid me little in terms of money and huge in terms of joy. You know the masked acquaintances around me used to say that my life needs stability first as dreams won’t appease my starved nights for long. Little they knew about what fed my soul.  Yesterday, I finally managed to buy an SLR camera and felt a little closer to the zenith I told you about. Today I am heading towards another deep wood for a new project with another rented DSLR camera. But this time I am even more exhilarated as I will bring home some of the frames of my dreams with me, captured in my own camera.’

THE PROMISED LAND

She lived over the green mountains, in the abode of clouds. Her smiles nestled in the raindrops and violet blooms that carpeted the earth during winters. But her dreams were the companions of breeze which often carried them to some distant glittery land. A posh and bustling land where the skyscrapers overlooked the world. She loved the peaks of her green mountains…high above. She could trace the road far away which headed towards her dreamland. Standing there she longed…often.

Her fate had her dreams scribbled in it. The day she stepped in her dreamland she felt drenched in an overpowering glee. She was in her city of joy. The lit concretes dazzled her and the buzzing city became her favorite melody.

 

A bright sunny day fixed her rendezvous with him. She cherished the days during which an official acquaintance metamorphosed into her soul mate. He stood by her through her rough patches. At times he was her best pal and quite often he was the man who cloaked her life with nothing other than love. The night they made love in her cozy bedroom, her heart gathered the bliss and contentment that it never knew existed. Through the window the starry sky gaped at them and cuddled in his embrace she heard his promises to bestow lifetime companionship, love and joy on her.

 

“We have everything; our dream life, togetherness and abundant time to relish the delicacies of life” he said.

“But I long to spend a life with you, I long to wake up in the morning beside you, I long to kiss you at random desires, I long to see you after tiring days, I long to pour out my heart to you, I long to hold your hand when I am scared, I long to share my laughter with you….and I long for this wait to end. The wait to live what I long so much” she replied.

“I promise to give you the life you desire. Just a little wait sweetheart….what’s the hurry” he assured.

   

She knew the words he uttered were right but her heart still loathed the wait. The expensive dreams of the lit concretes silenced her longings.

His heart skipped a beat that afternoon when his fifth call to her went unresponded. Never a heated argument had barred their connectivity before. That day a few restless hours felt like an eternity to him. His search for her from that evening till late night resembled a dying man’s search for his life saving potion. Drained, when he returned home after lodging a police complaint his heart ached like never before. Instead of slumber, tears shrouded his eyes that night. For the next ten days, anxiety and an uncanny pain tormented him relentlessly.

The day which brought him her sight got etched in his soul forever. While his agonized being felt the numbness of his body, his heart felt like embracing her closer than his life and never letting her go even for a moment. In a deafening silence that was overpowering him he wanted to love her with all his worth. When he embraced her desperately, she didn't hug him back. She lay still under the white sheet stained with crimson patches at places. A concealed fear was peeping through her frozen face, perhaps her last emotion. 

“I long to hold your hand when I am scared.” Recalling her longings he held her hands and wished it was a little sooner.

She returned to her abode of clouds….high above. She could once again trace the road far away which headed towards her dreamland.  And standing there she longed….forever.